You all know how Monday's doctor's appointment went. After the initial shock and letting my mind run wild for a few days, I decided to put it behind me, stay positive and wait for more information. I was leaving for Virginia Beach for a vacation with some friends and was determined to keep busy and have a good time while I waited for the results for my blood test and my Level II ultrasound.
Well, right as I got to DC on Friday night, my doctor called. The blood test did not offer the reassurance I was hoping for. She told me that my blood showed my risk at about 1 in 43 for a baby with Down Syndrome. I know that is still a less than a 3% chance but it's a scary number that keeps going up and up. I decided not to go on vacation and drove back home yesterday morning. Since then, I've been Google-ing everything I can think of: elevated quad screen + one soft marker, reliability of quad screen, other markers for Down Syndrome, etc. Most of what I've found has been encouraging and that makes it a little easier to stay hopeful. But the truth is, I'm afraid, for so many reasons. There's really nothing I can do at this point but seek out all the information I can, wait for my second ultrasound, and hope for the best. Scott is the most wonderful person in the world and I feel lucky to have him every day, but he is especially amazing in times like this. I can't imagine anyone could be more comforting and loving than he is. Whatever God's plan is for Sprout, at least I have my best friend to go through it with. And we are still optimistic!
I have so appreciated all the phone calls, texts, emails, and comments from you all. It's nice to know that in this scary and uncertain time, we have so many people who love and support us. Thank you so much.
How far along? 20 weeks
Total weight gain? About 7 lbs. It looks like more though doesn't it?
Maternity clothes? Those Gap pants are the best thing ever.
Stretch marks? Nope!
Sleep? It's been a little harder sleeping this week, but I know it's becoming more and more important. I'll be alright.
Best moment of the week? I am feeling some movement! It's just little pokes right now but it makes me laugh.
Miss anything? No.
Movement? Yes, and we got to see it too in the ultrasound on Monday. Sprout sure looks like an active little thing.
Food craving? No, and I think I've been eating less this week too but that's nerves more than anything else. I need to wipe the slate clean tomorrow and get back on track.
Anything make you sick or queasy? No, physically, I've been feeling great.
Gender? We had the opportunity to find out on Monday but we're holding out for a surprise!
Labor signs? Nope.
Symptoms? My nose is still super sensitive but not much else. I'm starting to notice my stomach feels large when I'm standing at the kitchen counter making dinner.
Belly button in or out? Still in.
Wedding rings on or off? On!
Happy or moody most of the time? Trying my best to stay happy.
Looking forward to? We are buying a new car this week! Hopefully some pics for you soon. My mom sent us a box of loot for the Sprout and there are some amazing wedding pics I will try to share this week too.
Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this anxiety and worry, and that you missed out on a much-needed vacation. I can understand why you opted out, though. I'd be doing the same thing, Googling everything I could...in fact, I just did that a little now, and I'm sure you noticed too that there are plenty of stories out there of women who got similar results on the tests and it all turned out to be NOTHING. I pray that's the case for you, and if it's not, you and Scott will deal together. These tests are so hard and cause so much stress. But think about all the women who DON'T have any of these tests done and their baby turns out to be fine; they just didn't know to worry because they didn't have the tests done. I know there's nothing anyone can say to make you NOT worry, but in the interest of yours and Sprout's health, TRY to focus more on the positive things you read about, and the fact that a less than 3% chance is really, really low odds. All of this worry is most likely for nothing, and in the end, it will make you appreciate that baby even more. There's a reason for everything. It's times like these that you have to really remember to just trust God.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. You look beautiful!
Thanks Wendy! It's going to be a long week, but hopefully we get some good news by the end of it.
DeleteYour stomach is starting to look like mine. Twins!
ReplyDeleteyou look like a MOM in this picture! can't really put my finger on it but... its something in your face that says "I mean business"
ReplyDelete